Well. This has been a tough week. Let me elaborate.
☆My bag broke. Again.
☆Our one progressing person dropped us.
☆I sprained my ankle.
☆We can no longer tract or walk around very much, because of my sprain.
☆We can't bike and we are in a biking area.
I was starting to feel really down... honestly, I didn't understand 1) why President would keep me in a bike area when I couldn't bike, and 2) why the Lord sent me here. He knew that I would trip over a curb that I didn't realize was there. He knew I would fall off the bike and get scraped up bad enough that my palm bleeds every time I use crutches. He knew that I wouldn't jive with some of our recent converts. He KNEW that I would be basically useless here, so I didn't get it.
Sunday morning, when we went into Sunday School, I got my answer. I've been in denial about it until today while I'm writing this email, but I got a definite answer.
Over the past few years I have become very dependent on my own emotional abilities and my own resources. I am now relatively self reliant emotionally (not a bad thing at all) but I think I've tried to become a little spiritually self reliant... and, my friends, THAT DOES NOT WORK. AT ALL.
So in Sunday School, we're reading in the Isaiah chapters and there's these verses in 2 Nephi 27:
"15 But behold, it shall come to pass that the Lord God shall say unto him to whom he shall deliver the book: Take these words which are not sealed and deliver them to another, that he may show them unto the learned, saying: Read this, I pray thee. And the learned shall say: Bring hither the book, and I will read them.
16 And now, because of the glory of the world and to get gain will they say this, and not for the glory of God.
17 And the man shall say: I cannot bring the book, for it is sealed.
18 Then shall the learned say: I cannot read it.
19 Wherefore it shall come to pass, that the Lord God will deliver again the book and the words thereof to him that is not learned; and the man that is not learned shall say: I am not learned.
20 Then shall the Lord God say unto him: The learned shall not read them, for they have rejected them, and I am able to do mine own work; wherefore thou shalt read the words which I shall give unto thee."
Kind of weird verses to bring up, I know. But, the point that the teacher brought up really hit home with me.
The learned rely on themselves, their power, their wisdom, and their resources. And just about always, they fail when they do that.
The unlearned are those who tell the Lord, "This is all I have," and let Him make them something better.
Y'all, I am not gonna lie, I am pretty frustrated with myself. I don't feel like enough-- not enough for companions, the people we're teaching, the Lord-- nothing. And truth is, I'm not. But, that's what grace is for. He makes up for what we cannot give.
"6 Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.
7 And the Lord God doth work by means to bring about his great and eternal purposes; and by very small means the Lord doth confound the wise and bringeth about the salvation of many souls." Alma 37:6-7
I still don't know why this is happening. I don't get it at all. But, it's going to be okay. He will make me what I cannot be.
He can do the same for you. If you don't believe that, then you are underestimating the change and strength that an Eternal Sacrifice can give a finite being such as each of us. He is infinite and perfect, and His purpose is to make us the same. Let Him help you get there, and believe that He can!!