So I was on this exchange with one of the head sister training leaders, Sister Reynolds. Friday night Sister Reynolds and I talked and I told her about my family and how I was feeling, and it was nice to talk to her because she actually had real advice since she's been here a
Saturday morning we went to the temple. :) Best. Thing.
Ever. Like it always is :) But my favorite part is always sitting in the Celestial room. It's like Heavenly Father's living room. I always just feel good there. And I needed it so bad. I sat on the couch and leaned on the side and just prayed. and prayed. and prayed. for a really long time. And then I finally just said, "Heavenly Father I know I have to go. I know I have to get to work. I know there is so much to do and I can't stay long. But just for the next few minutes, please just hold me. I can't do it anymore. I promise I'll go in a few minutes, and I'll
work and I'll be ok. But I need you right now." And... I just sat. and it was ok. I felt peace. I knew He was listening and I knew He was there and I just stayed still and listened. I probably just sat there, letting Him take everything off my shoulders and letting him comfort me
for a good 15 minutes. And it was ok. I stopped orying. I felt Him calm the sea. I felt Him take my weight. And then I said goodbye. I left and went to work. We visited a recent convert and talked about the Plan of Salvation, we studied and talked about weakness and righteousness and how God chooses to work through the weak and simple, and I learned so much.
We went to a window and contacted 30 people who all said no. We were ready to go back to our car when I saw a girl go inside and decided to knock on her door. Her name was Taylor, she is 13, and we are going to teach her and her mom :) God once again showed us that if we do everything we can, if we talk to absolutely everyone, if we are willing to just open our mouths over and over and not fear man, He will move the rock (oh hold on I'll tell the rock story in a minute). And then we went home for dinner and taught Paul. Whew, Paul can take some major energy. But it went well and we taught him about faith and obedience. He still wants to be baptized. He is such a changed man it's inspiring just to watch him learn. And then we exchanged back.
But I learned so much that day. I watched sister Reynolds, and I learned to be positive again. I don't think she's capable of saying something negative. She reminded me how to work. And I felt so much better. I
remembered why I'm here, and why I'm weak, and that it's ok to not be perfect. I just need to be "good, and getting better." It's ok. In the words of a dear friend, Sister Sally Thatcher, the two most beautiful words are, "It's ok." It's ok to be scared sometimes! It's ok to feel
inadequate sometimes! We just have to let Him take us from where we are now, to where He wants us. It's ok to be on our own level of learning. We start where we are and work from there. He doesn't ask for perfection, just improvement. So this week, I'm going to trust Him. I'm
going to stop being stubborn and just trust Him that His way really is better. I'm going to let Him lead. And I want to be brave enough to give up what I think I want for what He wants in every way, in every part of me. I know I won't live up to everything I want yet, but I'm going to
try harder. And then next week, I'll try harder again. And it will be ok.
So the rock story:
There's this man who wakes up one day to an angel who tells him to start pushing this gigantic rock. So he listens and gives everything he has. He pushes and pushes and sweats and bleeds and gets scraped up trying desperately for days to move this rock. Finally one day he gives up, falls to his knees, and asks the Lord, "You told me to push this rock and I'm trying - so why can't I do it?" The Lord explains, "I asked you to pound the rock, not to move it." So when we feel like we're failing, just remember that we're not always in control. Sometimes the Lord asks us just to do our best, and He will move the rock in His own timing.
My ponderize scripture: Psalms 61:2 "From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
Ok I love y'all so very very much!
Have a beautiful week!
Sister Heather Bambas
California Irvine Mission
<a href="mailto:email@example.com" target="_blank">firstname.lastname@example.org</a>