Do you ever have those weeks where it took years to get from one day to the next and the week just feels like it took forever? Yeah that was my Saturday. The rest of the week was awesome! It flew by so quick.
It is weird that I am turning 20 years old this week. I only have a few more days left as a teenager. I can't act like one anymore darn it.... All is well though!
Well this week was a long one. We taught a lot which is always great! We are starting to get a lot of things down like actually planning the way that we are truly supposed to as well as companionship study. I am recently connecting those dots on a deeper level. It seems that I have been able to connect a lot of dots that I should have a long time ago. Now the only thing that I wish that I could figure out was how to get the amount of investigators up so we can baptize more people and establish the church even more. I know that it will come from working with members but we have just been having a slow time getting to work with them. We are finally getting appointments with them so hopefully that will build trust, help them get fired up to share the gospel and get us referrals.
This week I got really frustrated. It got to the point where I had to stay inside a little bit longer for fear that I would lash out at someone if they rejected us in the wrong way. I guess I am just getting really agitated that a lot of people don't even stop to consider us or the message that we bring. We have learned a lot about teaching and we have learned a lot of doctrine but until we actually people to teach, all of that knowledge is just sitting there. I think I am just so anxious because I know the good that people are rejecting and it makes me sorrowful. It makes me want to grab someone by their collar and just ask them why they won't humble themselves for even a few moments. I want to teach people and I want to bring people to Christ. As I was thinking on this, several thoughts occurred to me. I was being somewhat selfish if not entirely selfish. I have been prideful and pretty uncharitable. I need to humble myself.
I was think about how I have done things in the past and how I do them now and I remembered for some reason a scene in Star Wars episode 4. Luke is practicing using his light saber with a practice droid. Obi Wan says to Luke that he need to extend his feelings or his senses or something like that. He also said that he needed to be patient. It struck me that I need to reach out more. I need to be better at probing for the spirit. I have been slacking off on that so I am doing better. The spirit, like the force, guides our actions and helps us feel things or impressions. It takes a lot of practice and patience.
As I read President Ames' letter where he shared some really inspiring accounts of missionaries in our mission, I found myself thinking that I wish that I had experiences like those missionaries. It has been a while since I can remember actually feeling like I am truly teaching, finding, and listening by the spirit. As I was reading his letter and asking myself that question, a talk by President Eyring came to mind. It was his talk about keeping a daily journal about God's hand in our lives. I need to do that in mine. I keep a daily journal but often times I don't think I sit down and truly reflect on the day. I do remember, though, this past week we had an experience with a former investigator. He doesn't really believe in all of the bible, he thinks that it is more of a book of parables. He categorizes himself as an agnostic. He has a lot of trials in his life and he feels alone a lot. It took me back to an experience with an "investigator" I had in the MTC. It was my first real experience with teaching by the spirit. Really all it took was getting him to understand what Jesus Christ has done and why he is so important. I tried to do the same with this former investigator and we expressed our love adn the love of Heavenly Father for him. The result was this man becoming hopeful. He seems to be in the depths of humility and really wanting help. If Jesus Christ is that help, he wants to do what he can to get it.
The scripture that I share with this "investigator" in the MTC is one that has been impressed on my heart since a loving seminary teacher (brother Jones) showed it to me. This scripture has brought me so much comfort and has helped me feel loved and the assurance that I am never alone. "And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me."
To me this scripture helps me understand that no matter what, there is at least one person who knows exactly how I feel. I know that no matter what happens, no matter how you feel, Christ has been right there and has felt what you are feeling. Because of that, his Atonement, he can succor or extend his help. We often refer to that as grace. Because of Christ, we can be comforted knowing that he knows what it's like so you are not alone. I can testify because I have felt the comforting and redeeming power of his Atonement I know that it doesn't matter what you have done, what you are feeling or whatever your weaknesses may be, he can and will help you. You need to reach out, you need to show him your love and be willing to follow him. I can promise you that he will helpIt will take effort on. Your part, but the peace that you will. Feel did not come because of what you did. Your obedience is saying thanks to what Christ has already done for you.
Please share he hope that Christ brings with others. One small way is by sharing one of the videos at this link: https://www.mormon.org/easter?player=bc" target="_blank">https://www.mormon.org/easter?player=bc use the hashtag #Hallelujah on pretty much every form of social media.
I am trying to be a better missionary. I want to be one. I feel like I have strayed far from where my skills were but I know that I just need to humble myself again and fully depend on the Lord.
Keep the Faith and Hurrah for Israel!
Love, your missionary son, Elder Jefferies