Another week gone by, and the Lord's work presses on! This week has been really good, our investigators are strong and doing well and most importantly this week it snowed!!! Just kidding that's not the most important thing, but it was very exciting for a California kid. It is suppose to snow a foot this weekend - cant wait!!
Anyways we met with all of our investigators this week, Shawn, Dustin (who is an ex-gang member in the rehab portion of the prison) and George. Hopefully by this time next week all three will be scheduled for baptism!! Yay! Super exciting to see people change their lives! Dustin has done a complete 180 in just two weeks. He is starting to see the fruits of his labor, which just makes me want to work harder. All three of these men have been prepared to receive this special message! This week Elder Rutter and I met with Dustin twice and both Shawn and George once. Other than those three appointments, we have been putting our nice polished shoes to the concrete and have been trying to find new investigators (people looking to makea change in their lives)! Unfortunately, the family that I was talking about last week has gotten back to us and we haven't been able to meet with them again, but we will continue to harass them everyday till they do!...Just kidding missionaries don't do that! But we will go knock on their door often until they tell us to go away. But mostly this week we have been street contacting people and tracting!
This week I came across a story that I really enjoyed its kind of long but I encourage you to read it it - It is called "The File Room".
In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list
titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and right to left as far as the eye could see, had very different headings.
As I walked up to the wall of files,the first to catch my attention was one that read, “People I Have Liked.” I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names
written on each one. And then, without being told, I knew exactly where I was.
This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my entire life. The actions of my every moment, big and small, were written in a detail my memory couldn’t match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, mixed with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories, others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.
A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I have betrayed”. The titles ranged from common, everyday things to the not-so-common-“Books I
Have Read”, “Lies I Have Told”, “Comfort I Have Given”, “Jokes I Have Laughed At”. Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: “Things I Have Yelled At My Brothers and Sisters.” Others I couldn’t laugh at: “Things I Have Done in Anger”, “Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents”. I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes less than I had hoped.
The sheer volume of the life I had lived overwhelmed me. Could it be possible that I had time in my 17 years to write each of these thousands or millions of cards? But each card confirmed the truth. Each card was written in my own handwriting. Each card was signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked “Songs I Have Listened To”, I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented. When I came to the file marked “Lustful Thoughts”; I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think such a moment had been recorded.
A feeling of humiliation and anger ran through my body. One thought dominated my mind: “No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!” In an insane frenzy, I yanked the file out. Its size didn’t matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.
That was when I saw it. The file bore “People I Have Shared the Gospel With”. The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than 3 inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.
Then as I looked up through my tears, I saw Him enter the room. No, please not Him. Not here. Anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn’t bear to watch His response. The few times I looked at His face I saw such sadness that it tore at my heart. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did he have to read every one?
Finally, He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn’t anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put his arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn’t say a word. He just cried with me.
Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file, and, one by one began to sign His name over
mine on each card. “No!” I shouted, rushing to Him. All I could find to say was “No, no”, as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn’t be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name
of Jesus covered mine. It was written in blood.
He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, “It is finished.” I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on the door. There were still cards to be written.
I know that my Savior loves me and this story has given me a different perspective on what my Savior has done for me. I hope that this week each of you will think to yourself would you want the Savior in your file room? I love each and every one of you and hope you have a great week! Til next time!