---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Benjamin Layton Affleck <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: Mon, Apr 23, 2018 at 12:04 PM
Subject: Goodbye to The Pines
23 April 2018
Hey FamJam what is up? We are here down in the pence stop Andalucia.
We have some big news this week! Elder Hanks, Elder Linko and I are
staying here in Andalucia. It's great news for us, because we're going to
Here's the other companionship in Los Pinos: How are you
I'm torn. My emotions are running wild and rampant like a
group of wild stallions, roaming the plains. Why is that
The other elder said it is emotionally draining, but a good
week, but not much happened. Javier gave us some wine. We have a
scandal! Did you drink wine? No, it was just a story. Oh,
Affleck's coming in. Ben said "we did not drink wine."
(This was two other elders trying to trick the listeners.)
How are your feelings about this week Elder Linko? Oh,
sorry. (Laughter) ...and that's it.
So, what's the big news Affleck? ( Lots of laughter, but I can't
understand anything that is said.) The huge news is that someone robbed
our umbrellas. Terrible human beings, robbed our umbrellas. We all
had a dinner together at this member's house (this member doesn't have an arm
by the way and he's a recent convert, but terrible about going to
church.) (I think they forgot what they were talking about as the story
(There was a bunch of music talk, which I didn't want to
type. It is just silly stuff and a lot of laughter.)
An elder said, "Say hello to your new district
leader. Wait, I'm confused, because he's already a district leader, but
he's our new district leader." Ben said, "I'm going to Junin.
Which is crazy. I'm training and I'm a district
leader again and my new companion is a Chilean if I'm not mistaken."
Another Elder said "His new comp doesn't speak any English, so Elder
Affleck's going to have a hard time with that, because his castellano is
different. Ben is a Nero leader. If you make breakfast in bed for
your companion, then you are super nero--a leader who makes good
rules." (Crazy talking comps)
Ben said "Elder Hanks is pretty much my child, because I'm
the mother." Elder Hanks said "it's a really weird
relationship, because he's a mother to me, but a father to Elder
Hansen." Ben said "I don't know what happened there. I'm
a father to Elder Hansen and I'm going to be a father to Elder Barientes pretty
soon in Junin. I'm also a madre for Elder Hanks in Andalucia. Elder
Hanks said he also has another madre who is going home this transfer.
"Her" name is Elder "Menoz."
(Crazy talking, again.) Elder Linko wanted to show us his
belly button, because it has this really weird thing--like a trampoline made
out of memory foam. That's what it feels like. It's really cool
though, you would love to touch it. Never mind. Just disregard
that. For some reason we all got on the subject of belly buttons.
(Crazy again. I'm not typing it--silly belly button talks.) Ben
said "while we were on the subject of belly buttons, I felt mine and there
was like a hole. I don't know if that's normal or not Pops. You can
tell me. I think I have a hernia. There's a hole in my
Another Elder said " Elder Linko kisses his mom on the
lips. He's Peruvian. I want to know if this is crazy or not?
He shows his investigators a photo of him kissing his mom on the lips and they
think that is weird. Apparently, that is normal for Peruvians. In
Argentina, when you greet someone it is normal for them to kiss your cheek--a
little peck on the check, just like they do in Europe when you're drinking
tea. We are only allowed to give handshakes, instead of kissing on the
cheek. Elder Linko kisses his mom on the lips, instead of the cheek.
Weird. Really weird."
"We had dos baptismos--two baptisms for all of you
non-Spanish speakers," said an Elder. Then he went on "Ben and Elder
Hansen had two baptisms. Elder Hansen, why don't you tell us about your
new companion? What is his name? Elder Hansen's companion is Elder
Rigsby and this is his last transfer before he goes home. Elder Rigsby is
either going to be super trunky or super excited and ready to baptize
NEVER PUT FOUR ELDERS IN THE SAME APARTMENT WITH A VOICE
RECORDER--NOTE TO SELF.
My companions are so weird and I'm so sorry. I hope you
have a good week. I love all of you. Don't listen to these guys,
they're insane! Another Elder said, "Bye, Mom. I can't wait to
meet you. Affleck always talks about you guys. Good things of course.
There's nothing bad in your family. Capo. Affleck is a way good
district leader and I've learned a lot this transfer and he's very lucky to go
Junin and whoever is in Junin they're very lucky to have him as a district
leader. Your son's Capo. This kid who has blue eyes, we're going to
miss him and his tone deaf singing."
Ben said "these guys are very good liars and I'm going to
go now. I love you. I love you guys and we're going to take off
Another Elder says "By the way, please give me an
update. I want to know how the Utah Jazz are doing. I heard they're
playing Oklahoma City in the play-offs."
Ben said "we're focusing on the Lord. I love you.
I love you guys, bear with the recording, the guys I live with
are... interesting and really dumb, but theyre hilarious. Sorry I pulled out
the recorder to give yall an update and they started talking about cualquier
Love you all, the church is amazing, God Lives, he guides the
mission work and I can testify that he loves all his children. I love you